|
|
| Positive Attitude Tips & Information |
|
||
|
|
Dump Those Negative Tapes
Every time something doesn't go quite right (rather frequently for some of us), we start berating ourselves. We can be the soul of courtesy and forgiveness to those we care about and then turn and savage ourselves in the most brutal fashion. How many times have you told yourself: "I'm an absolute idiot!" What was I thinking?" And that is just the start. From those immediate negative self-assessments, we dive deeper, reinforced by old admonitions playing in our brain. We may be adults, our parents and teachers perhaps long deceased, but their deprecating, wounding, critical, even, at times, cruel or abusive, remarks play over and over as if we were still children, being scolded for "our own good." With the help of those judgmental tapes playing repetitively in the back of our minds, we easily move from annoyance at a simple mistake anyone could have made to a global view of our own ineptitude: "I always blow it . . . I can't do anything right . . . Why am I such a failure?" Why is it so much harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive those we love? Is it because we don't love ourselves as much? Is it because we expect more of ourselves? Or is it that we know ourselves too well, painfully aware of our dark secret places and our internal shortcomings? We are hard on ourselves because we have a deep, subconscious, lifelong belief that we don't quite measure up. The maggot gnawing away at our core is made up of a long string of events starting when we first became aware of the world and began to hear the word "No!" It continued through a childhood of making mistake after mistake, as we all do when learning new skills, and through adulthood as we are judged by our bosses, our spouses, our customers, with the heaviest emotional jolt of being laid off, the ultimate rejection of our self-worth. Psychologists have studied authority-child interactions in both the home and in school. Remarkably, feedback to the child, in both environments, is more than 70% negative with the remainder either neutral or positive. Is it any wonder that we grow up to view ourselves as not quite good enough, mess-ups, or even total failures? We have internalized all of that destructive feedback and face the world with pride and self-composure that we know is only a defensive façade, constantly in peril of crumbling away. How can we jettison this baggage of years? One strategy is to become aware of your own internal chatter. When something happens and you screw up, it is an independent event: you made a mistake as humans do. Try to separate that one event from anything that has happened in the past. One error can be quickly dealt with and resolved. Watch as your mind starts to link that event with every other mistake you have ever made, attempting to form a lifelong pattern of questionable judgments and poor decisions. Analyze what you are telling yourself and watch for the give-away absolutes: "I always . . . I never . . ." Absolutes are irrational and illogical; they reflect our thinking not reality. Being aware of them bubbling in your mind gives you the opportunity to negate them: if you have ever, just once, been successful at something, no matter how small, then you cannot be, by definition, a "total" failure. Just one contrary event completely wipes out an "always" or a "never." Increase your consciousness of your mental processes by writing down your actions and your thoughts. Cognitive therapy uses similar (more structured) techniques to explore your mental processing so that you can understand what your own mind is doing in shaping your vision of the world and yourself. The realization that it is your mind, right now, which is defining your mood and your emotional distress, creates a wonderful opportunity. If your psychological discomfort arises out of your thinking, not out of some long-standing immutable neurosis nor warped brain cells, then you know you have the power to change! This new perspective on the world is freeing and empowering. The old recurrent critical tapes can be pushed into the dead file where they belong. Your present, your future, your sense of self is yours to control because your thoughts can be consciously directed. It took years to get you to where you are now. Vow to spend the rest of your life nurturing those sprouting positive thoughts until they blossom and fill your entire brain. The old tapes will have no place left to lurk. Virginia Bola operated a rehabilitation company for 20 years, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, while serving as a Vocational Expert in Administrative, Civil and Workers' Compensation Courts. Author of an interactive and supportive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at http://www.unemploymentblues.com
|
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
4 Ways You Can Get Over Your Need for Acceptance and Get on with Your Life Imagine what your life would be like if you could just be yourself, without thinking twice about what other people think of you! Here are four quick tips that will help you learn how to accept yourself. Make these four things a part of your daily routine and you'll find people will judge you less and accept you more! Youre Not a Victim--Really! Woe is me... life has dealt me a bad hand... the stars are aligned against me... whine, whine, whine! Get over it! You are not the innocent victim of some terrestrial scheme. You are a victim of only one thing... YOU! Heres Your Calm During The Storm Of Discouragement Have you ever known someone like this? "A person who knows how to start well, but finds it difficult to keep going"? A person whose successes are dependent on the quality of someone else's encouragement and motivation? Someone who consistently let's discouragement get the better of him? Ever found yourself like that? There's hope, read on. Watch Your Mouth Ever had one of those mothers, or grandmothers, who would often say, "Be careful what you ask for?" Creating Your Desires Say aloud: Really Scary Stuff With the probable exception of some basic instincts ? or motivation toward self-preservation ? we've just flat learned to be afraid of about all the rest of the stuff we're afraid of. I know, the word "about" is a cop-out but I'm using it because I'm not really sure where this next mega-fear comes from. Maybe it's an instinct thing, too. I dunno? Mind Power - Fact or Fiction? Prove It For Yourself In The Next 7 Minutes - Truly Awesome! Who are you? Power of Positive Beliefs I am an educator as well as a coach and am interested in what it is that brings out the best in the people with whom I work. Over the last few years I have read a great deal of research on the power of beliefs. I am convinced that it is essential that I hold, and communicate to my students or clients that I believe in their ability to learn, to heal, and to grow. How to Experience Life as a Thrilling Adventure "Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - facing new challenges, seizing new options, testing our resources against the unknown, and in the process, discovering our own unique potential." - John Amatt There is an old story about a mountain climber who had trained many years to reach the highest peak in the western hemisphere, the Aconcagua located in the Andes Mountains of western Argentina. Anamchara - Beyond Positive Thinking One of the most well known books ever written on success is James Allan's "As a man thinketh." Star Wars the POSITIVE Effect ! In many ways the Star War movies are simply a reflection of everyday life on planet Earth. Make a Personal Commitment to Change Your Life! So, is this really where you thought you'd be? You're 25, or 35, or even 50 or ?? and you're not doing the job you thought you'd be...or you're not living where you thought you'd be. Maybe you haven't written that novel you wanted to? Maybe you haven't travelled to all those places you dreamed about as a kid? Maybe your health isn't so great. So, what's gotten in the way of your dreams? Tough question isn't it? Welcoming the Unexpected As I walked my dogs recently on what "should" have been a beautiful and balmy spring morning here in Las Vegas, I was bundled up, head ducked into the wind wishing spring would hurry up and get here. It was a day that reminded me more of mid-December than early May. It also reminded me of how programmed we are to expect things to be predictable (meaning: to be as we want them to be), whether that is in matters of weather or anything else. Life is, by its very nature, unpredictable. And there is no end to the misery we generate expecting it to be otherwise. Spring Into Enchantment Who can control a smile sneaking across your face as you go outside on a beautiful spring day, suddenly finding your nostrils filled with a sweet aroma of fresh blooms, while feeling warm breezes against your skin, whispering, "No coat today."? Nature provides enchantment all around us in the spring. The birds sing, the flowers bloom, animals have their babies, new birds learn to fly. If you look high up in a tree you might see an exquisite bird singing loudly, full of life. It is as if nature gives humans an opportunity for enchantment all around. Yet, we often are indifferent, not responding spontaneously to the rebirth of spring. We seem to be, at times, equipped to live lives of misery brought on by ourselves. Many of us are able to generate a bad mood, put ourselves down, see our future as dark or today as gloomy. We have lost or never had the easy comfort and capacity to relax and enjoy life that a cat has on a sunny porch just snoozing and rolling over. We humans have to work at enchantment. Let s take a moment and look at what the major components of this work called "enchantment" are. You May Not Be Able to Manage Change - But You Can Manage Your Response to It Your response (reaction?) to change is conditioned by your entire life experience...the family you come from, your age, education, marital status, attitudes about work and about yourself. From this it follows that everyone has a unique way of perceiving and handling change. Here's an opportunity to see what your particular situation may be. Condition or Definition? In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a statement about a negative habit followed by these words: "that's just who I am." I challenged her to re-examine what she had said. In fact, the truth was, she had a habit, but it was no more "who she is" than to say that the package your food comes in is the food. It is the package. It may represent the food or cover the food, but it isn't the food. And therein lies a key distinction. I challenge you this week to examine whether you have given power (identity) to something that is actually a condition rather than a definition of who you are. White Sun: How to Cultivate Ones Body Drinking damages the soul; being lustful damages the vitality; greed damages the virtues; anger damages the liver; smoking damages the spirit. These are the five poisons between Heaven and Earth. The world is polluted with these five filthy elements. Heaven has the spirit of the five fundamental elements and Earth has the characters of the five fundamental elements. Change and Transition - 10 Steps to Surviving Change Elegantly If I say the word "CHANGE" how do you feel? Most people remain fearful, anxious and uncomfortable with change, despite it being a driving issue in our society. It appears that no matter how much experience we have it doesn't get any easier. Self-Recovery from Addiction: Taking Responsibility for Your Life I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while they wanted to move forward in life, were actually stuck in a self-destructive addiction. Of course, I cannot directly confront them about their addictions, as they had to open up to me that it was part of the problem that was keeping them in the same rut in which they found themselves day-after-day. As we worked together to make plans and open doors, the addiction was left open for them to examine and realize that they needed to overcome the situation, and cut loose that anchor to move forward to a fulfilling life. Change Your Attitude, Change Your Life - Books to Help You Find the PMA Inside You Many of the books on this page were inspired by the late great Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, God rest his soul, who encouraged us all to have a PMA every day!
|
